You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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