There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
