there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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