we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
