Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
