After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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