What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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