He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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