Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
