I would go down on you faster than GM stock
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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