my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
whose ass print is on the piano?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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