hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
