U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
