I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
