I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
