He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
