when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there's paper in my vomit.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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