like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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