How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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