somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
