So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
