Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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