What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
