butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We named our party play list daddy issues
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
