Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
