Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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