the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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