That's intense
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
