Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
