haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
