I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
