I am puke
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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