She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
