we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
