Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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