I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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