The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
