i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
