I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
