I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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