You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no, he came in my armpit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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