He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
