I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
