were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
