dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
