best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
