i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
