am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
