oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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