For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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