Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
