If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
