If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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