1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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