I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
