I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize