i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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