the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
