I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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