just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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