i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
