why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
