She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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