You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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