Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize