i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish my penis had an off switch
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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