We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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