"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
