I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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