If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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