i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
