first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Enjoy the penises
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
