I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
