Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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